i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
