I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
