Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
