No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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