I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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