giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize