You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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