i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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