So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
