i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
