I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
