Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
