but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
