I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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