some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
