i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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