smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
