Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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