wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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