I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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