I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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