Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
