He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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