I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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