if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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