I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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