wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
