You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
