just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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