Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
