I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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