1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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