just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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