Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
