I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
