It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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