it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
