Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize