dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
