im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
