Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
