actually, I'm a sock model
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
