i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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