Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
