I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
