I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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