yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
