dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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