Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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