elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
