The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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