Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
