I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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