community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
