So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
