hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need a beard to bite.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
