so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
