shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
