if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
