If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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