so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Randomize