You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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