Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
