please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
