he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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