I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
no you cant smoke seaweed
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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