oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
