he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
