I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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