we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
