I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
