I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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