You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
