I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He shit in the fireplace
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
