"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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