I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I would ride that face into the sunset
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
